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Britney sucks in her gut, Paris in Hell, and Posh’s pokies September 20, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Britney Spears, Entertainment, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Victoria Beckham.
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 — Here are some new pictures of Posh Spice and her pokies out on the town.  Are we sure that’s really her though?  I’m not a scientist, but people’s eyes usually don’t bulge out like that, and their skin doesn’t usually look like wax.  I think someone stole her wax figure out of Madame Tussaud’s and is carrying it around putting different outfits on her.  Some outfits just happen to be more revealing than others.  One thing we can all agree on though is that she has fantastic cans.  Silicone, wax, or whatever, they’re terrific.

vicposh.jpg     vicposh2.jpg

 — Although it pains me to talk about her, I have to mention this.  It looks like Paris Hilton has dropped another notch further into the depths of hell.  In her new video, Nothing in this World, she’s shown gyrating on what looks to be 12 year old boy.  No, not Pink, an actual 12 year old boy.  Anyway, I could care less about what the song is about or what the video is about; all I want to know is how this doesn’t break any child endangerment laws?  Isn’t there something in the Declaration of Independence about not allowing harlots within so many yards of children?  I swear I learned that in 7th grade.

parisboy1.jpg     parisboy2.jpg

 — Now the church is giving my girl, Jessica, a hard time too.  A Christian minister from Texas is now criticizing the Simpson sisters for using sex to sell their music.  Here are a couple tidbits from his rant and a couple of my comments:

“They don’t represent American standards and certainly not Christian standards,”

Interesting, I didn’t know molesting small boys and criticizing Muslims was an American or Christian standard.

“Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness.”

This very well may be true, but his daughters are smoking hot and….seriously, I can’t argue with that.  Their dad creeps me the hell out.

“[Jessica and Ashlee] will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell.”

Really?  “Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither”?  Has he heard of plastic surgery?  Maybe they don’t have it in the small ass town he’s from, but I think the last thing JS would do is let her boobs sag.  She flaunts those bad boys like she’s getting paid for it.  Oh wait, she is – I guess that’s the crazy Texan minister’s point, but I’d do it too if I was blessed with them (actually I’d probably stay home all day and play with them, but that’s the difference between you and me).  And lastly:

“But it looks like they’ve lost a lucrative segment of their record buyers along the way.”

According to my extensive research, 12 year old girls buy 2000% more albums than creepy Christian ministers.  Now this may be off by a small percentage, but much time was put into the calculations.

So what’s the big damn deal?  Maybe he’s just jealous because he can’t have kids who make tons of cash so he could retire.  Or, maybe he does have kids and they are ugly, talentless fools. 

 — So, while Redneck Spears was in the hospital having K-Fed’s spawn, it’s being reported that she also had a tummy tuck.  Now I’m no doctor, but I’ve watched enough infomercials to know that the only way to get rock-hard abs like mine is to do 2000 crunches daily with a brand name product, like the Ab Roller.  Why would Britney take the easy way out??  Because she’s easy.  Do you think K-Fed would disagree?  Maybe she needed to be skinnier to fit into her Corn-Dog costume for Halloween.  No matter how she does it, if she gets back into “Pre-KFag” shape like these pictures, I’m definitely okay with that.

 britney_spears_14.jpg     britney_spears_13.jpg

HC

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