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Sorry Kids, I’m out October 18, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Amber Tamblyn, Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Carmen Electra, Christina Aguilera, Claire Danes, Dane Cook, Elizabeth Hurley, Entertainment, Erica Durance, Erika Christensen, Eva Green, James Bond, Janet Jackson, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, John Travolta, K-Fed, Kate Bosworth, Kate Hudson, Katherine Heigl, Kristin Kreuk, Lindsay Lohan, Links, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Mel Gibson, Movies, Natalie Portman, Paris Hilton, Penelope Cruz, Pink, Rachel Bilson, Scarlett Johansson, Sophie Monk, Sports, Suri Cruise, Tara Reid, Uncategorized, Victoria Beckham.

Well, I have some bad news.  Apparently I’m all out of space for pictures, so I’m getting the hell out of here.  If you want to keep reading Holden’s Rants, I’ll be at


Come to the new site if you enjoy nip slips and outlandish criticism of celebrities.

See you there


Paris to dominate the world or will Britney eat it first?? August 8, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Britney Spears, Entertainment, Jessica Alba, Paris Hilton.
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 — In a recent interview with the UK version of Marie Clare magazine, Paris discusses how her final goal in life is “World Domination”; how she will begin filming a new movie this September, but doesn’t know who the director is and doesn’t care because, “All I know, is I’m the star”; and how she isn’t worried about any of her projects failing because “They always work.”  Always work?  I guess if partying all night and not having anything close to a job is your standard, you can always make that work.  This could be one of the most ridiculous pieces of journalism of all time.  Anyone that would waste 4 hours of their life interviewing a girl who has a brain the size of a peanut is a damn fool.  Hopefully they let an intern do it.  Or maybe it was “bring your kid to work” day and someone let their 5-year old do the interview.  Actually that might break some kind of child endangerment laws since I bet Paris has one of those new fangled STD’s that can just jump right on to you (which I guess wouldn’t count as sexually transmitted, but you get my point).  This entire obsession with everything Paris just has me flabbergasted.  I guess I am a jack-hole myself for helping to promote her by writing this article, but at least I’ll be honest and tell you she’s a dirty whore.  And at least I’m not the one who ‘green-lighted’ a Paris Hilton Hello Kitty doll.  Available only in Japan, you too can now have your own Paris Hilton doll.  So what does this thing come with you might ask?  Well, a collection of purses, some belts and even her piece of shit dog.  It seems like they forgot a couple accessories in the package though.  Like a miniature video camera to make your sex tapes and a little marker so you can give her a rash to match the real Paris.  And maybe even a can of sardines to give her who-who an accurate smell.

 — Now I know Britney is pregnant and that it’s hard to find clothes that fit when you look like you’ve swallowed a beach ball, but can’t someone who has millions of dollars get a shirt that covers her belly?  I mean she was pregnant just a year ago, why can’t she wear those shirts?  I’m sure they are covered with ketchup and coffee stains, but thats what everyone expects from her now anyway.  I’m still just waiting for her to go shopping bare-foot with a rope belt cinched around her potato sack dress.  Or maybe she could tape a bunch of Cheetos and Twinkie wrappers together and make clothes out of that, using pizza boxes for shoes.  I really think it’s just around the corner. 

Here are some pics of the walking STD, Hillbilly Britney, and I had to put someone mildly attractive, so here’s an old Jessica Alba picture.

normal_paris-cavesduroy3.jpg     4vrae.jpg     3awwser.jpg     jessicaalbabig_1.jpg