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Sorry Kids, I’m out October 18, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Amber Tamblyn, Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Carmen Electra, Christina Aguilera, Claire Danes, Dane Cook, Elizabeth Hurley, Entertainment, Erica Durance, Erika Christensen, Eva Green, James Bond, Janet Jackson, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Jessica Simpson, John Travolta, K-Fed, Kate Bosworth, Kate Hudson, Katherine Heigl, Kristin Kreuk, Lindsay Lohan, Links, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Mel Gibson, Movies, Natalie Portman, Paris Hilton, Penelope Cruz, Pink, Rachel Bilson, Scarlett Johansson, Sophie Monk, Sports, Suri Cruise, Tara Reid, Uncategorized, Victoria Beckham.
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Well, I have some bad news.  Apparently I’m all out of space for pictures, so I’m getting the hell out of here.  If you want to keep reading Holden’s Rants, I’ll be at

http://holden–caulfield.blogspot.com/

Come to the new site if you enjoy nip slips and outlandish criticism of celebrities.

See you there

 HC

Posh’s boobie, Biel’s kiss, and Aguilera’s hottness September 18, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Christina Aguilera, Entertainment, Jessica Biel, K-Fed, Lindsay Lohan, Pink, Victoria Beckham.
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— Fashion week was last week in NYC, and one of the best things to come out of it was the appearance of Victoria Beckham’s nipple.  Posh Spice usually just flaunts her silicone chest through her shirt with her headlights on (as seen in the first picture with the pink jacket), but it looks like one of the twins snuck out of her black dress last week.  Nipples want to see the fashions too.  The real question I have is, are her nipples as fake as her boobs?  I mean those water balloons are pumped up to maximum capacity and I just wonder if her nipples are actually that hard and pointy or if they’re just those plastic spouts they have on floats to blow them up.  Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.  And when did she become an emotionless android?  The computer in War Games showed more personality.

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 — In my perusing of the internet lately, I found some interesting pictures.  Usually, the only pictures I ever seem to find of Jessica Biel are of her working out or running with her dogs or working out and running with her dogs.  BORING!  So when I found pictures of her making out with a GIRL, I felt inclined to post them for you guys.  Now maybe she isn’t exactly making out, but that is only because the photographer was a little slow in squeezing off a picture because he was shocked by the sheer beauty of the kiss.  At least that’s what I’m going to think.  Plus with a tongue like that, the possibilities are just endless.

jessicabiel1.jpg     jessicabiel2.jpg     jessica_biel_tongue-thumb.jpg

 — My favorite little giraffe woman is in the news again and is quickly becoming cliche.  I’m going to keep this short and sweet because I know you need your Lindsay Lohan fix that doesn’t involve a beaver.  First of all, she broke her wrist last week –most likely rubbing one out for a Def Leppard roady.  And then, she went to a birthday party for her mom Dina last week that ended when her mom got sloshed (while setting a stellar example) and Lindsay told her to “Go to Hell”.  Now I don’t know about the birthday parties you guys go to, but at the ones I frequent, the mom usually doesn’t get hammered, and if she does we pretend not to notice.  We certainly don’t tell her to go to hell.  We just eat our cake and ice cream, and discretely spike our own cups of punch.  The Lohans are classy though, so I’ve got to be the one doing it wrong.  

 — Proving that opposites attract, I provide Exhibit A: Christina Aguilera, who is smoking hot, and her husband who is probably suppsoted to be guarding a pot of gold.  Look at him trying to kiss her.  He looks like a monkey trying to lick a coconut.  I seriously doubt they do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.  

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 — In what has become a national phenomenon, our WTF section brings you the cover photo to K-Fag’s new album.  What on this cover would actually inspire someone to buy it?  Maybe it’s the clean-cut image he’s portraying by not showing any of his poser tattoos.  No, maybe it’s the cards and the smoking cigarette next to him.  Nope, I’ve got it; it’s either the drink on fire or the sweet script in which ‘Playing with Fire’ is written in.  Yep, definitely the script.  If there’s any justice in this world, the prankster who graffitied Paris’ album will get a hold of this one too.  Although, what would he really do?  Make K-Fed look like a smug, no-talent, piece of shit?  Done and done.

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 — And one last note, is Pink hot or just a 12-year old boy?  I’m totally confused.

 pink.jpg

HC

Firecrotch is hitched? September 14, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Entertainment, Lindsay Lohan.
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Say it isn’t so. My favorite little giraffe may have gone and gotten hitched to Harry “Pink” Morton.  The always reliable Star reports that Lindsay called her mom and announced “Mom, I’m getting married.”  I’m going to choose not to believe this one.  If it were true, we’d have seen her in a “Mrs. Morton” bikini by now.  And, if I can’t have her, no one can.  She’s too young, and her breasts (and other parts) are too untamed for one man.

Maybe she’ll pull out the potato sack for the honeymoon.

lindsay-lohan-side-boob-03.jpg     lindsay-lohan-side-boob-02.jpg     lindsay-lohan-side-boob-01.jpg

HC

LL is pantyless..again ,Britney reproduces…again, Paris punked…again, Claire Danes in Paris…again, and more…again September 13, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Britney Spears, Carmen Electra, Claire Danes, Entertainment, James Bond, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Uncategorized.
3 comments

 — The panty-less baby giraffe is at it again.  I don’t know what this girl’s deal is; maybe she thinks that if she ‘forgets’ her panties enough times she’ll bump her arch-rival, Paris, from the headlines.  Whatever she thinks, it’s working, because unless she starts dropping trow on a daily basis and I get tired of staring at her wrinkled bits, she’ll headline this site.

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— It looks like our favorite corn-dog eating champion has once again reproduced.  The story came out last week that she was having Jailynn (her aptly named son – and by the way, when did Jailynn become a name, much less a GUY’S name?  I know, I know, it’s her parent’s names combined, I’m just so confused by the insanity), but now it is reported that she gave birth to a 6 pound, 12 ounce ball of redneck at 2AM this morning.  KFed apparently had to lay off the bong for a couple hours and drive her to the hospital for her C-section.  I can only imagine how this scene played out at the Spears – Federline household:

Britney (screaming through a mouthful of ding-dongs) – “Kevin, I think my water broke, but on the good side, I think my feet are finally clean.”

KFed (in a smokey haze) – “Damn biatch, what have I done told you about interupting my ‘private’ time?”

Britney – “Please…pretty please will you take me?  I don’t want to have to take the bus to the hospital again!  And can we get an extra bag of Cheetos for the road?”

And so is the life of Cletus and his beautiful bride Brandine.  Here’s a pic of Brandine and a rendering of offspring #2.

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 — Well Paris has been spunked…I mean punked again.  Richard Branson, the uber-billionaire founder of Virgin records recently threw a Mad Hatter bash for his son’s birthday.  Enter Paris Hilton, the slut of all sluts, an unbelievably classless woman with no discernable talents who decided to turn this party into her very own by coming dressed as Alice.  Re-enter Branson who, once he got wind of this, had all of the 60 cocktail waitresses dress as Alice so she would blend in as the waitstaff.  To top it off, he “accidentally” thought she was a waitress and attempted to order a drink and walked off.  Screw Ashton Kutcher, hire Branson to host the next year of Punk’d.  That story was simply fantastic, needs no comments from me, and actually put a hop in my step.

 — What in the world have you been up to Claire Danes?  I can’t remember the last movie I saw her in besides Terminator 3, and I’m slightly embarrassed to say that I saw that movie (but damn, have you seen Arnold’s ass lately?  Mmmmm).  Anyway, just like I had a Kate Hudson story just for the hell of it yesterday, I’m doing the same with Claire.  And just like Kate, she’s not wearing a bra.  But unlike Kate, she’s wearing a white blouse that tends to be a little see-through when photographed in front of the Eiffel Tower.  Damn Frenchies and their trick photography! 

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 — In what is becoming a daily edition of WTF were they thinking, we have our newest entry, Carmen Electra.  I guess these are pictures from a fashion show, but for all I know, they could be pictures from her Vegas wedding to some freak like Marilyn Manson.  Or since they are remaking every movie that made at least $10, maybe this is an audition for Young Frankenstein.  I bet Gene Wilder is rolling over in his grave.  Oh…he’s not dead.

 electra_wireimage.jpg     carmen_electra_crazy_hair_01.jpg     carmen_electra_crazy_hair_02.jpg

 — And finally, the clip is out for the new James Bond Trailer.  It looks good except I can’t get over the guy that plays Bond.  He looks so full of himself, like some sort of blonde version of Steven Seagal.  I can’t decide if it looks good or not, so you can take a gander and decide for yourself.

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HC

Lindsay sans bra, Kate with her bikini, and a little Tennis fo’ yo ass September 11, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Entertainment, John Travolta, Kate Hudson, Lindsay Lohan, Maria Sharapova, Sports.
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 — As the weeks go by, I guess nothing about these young celebrities should surprise us anymore.  Lindsay Lohan seems to have gone to the Paris Hilton school of marketing because whether forgetting to wear panties as you get off a boat in Venice or going bra-less while wearing your see-through shirt as you walk down the street in LA, those two will stop at nothing to get their names in headlines every week.  Next thing you know, Jessica Simpson will be doing naked cartwheels in Times Square (if her dad’s lucky) or Scarlett Johansson will be riding a motorcycle over the Snake River naked just to steal the headlines from those two.  So as I’ve alluded to, Lindsay decided to continue her rebellion against underwear by walking the streets in a see-through shirt sans bra.  My favorite part of the outfit, besides the obvious, is the black fedora.  Who wears hats like that anymore??  Did she just get finished filming a remake to Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal?  What confuses me the most about this girl is that I can’t tell if she is doing all of these things on purpose.  Is this a concerted effort to prove to the world that she is the sluttiest 20-year old on the planet?  Or is she just a damn fool that gets too much attention for accomplishing VERY LITTLE.  I’m going with option A, because I can’t believe anyone with that kind of money would have hired ALL idiots to work with her.  I guess all I’m proving is that, for the 838th time, I tend to give people entirely too much credit.

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 — I found some new bikini pictures, and since they didn’t involve Lindsay, I felt compelled to post them.  Kate Hudson decided to bring out her stripity-striped bikini and head to the beach.  Damn she has a nice body.  That hippie-haired guy in that band we never hear anymore needs to do everything he can do to hold on to that.  He’ll clearly never do any better.  Too bad she’s not “stupid” enough to walk around without panties or generally make an ass out of herself on a consistent basis or we’d see her here on HC more often.  Since she doesn’t, I have to take advantage of what I get.  I threw in a picture from Almost Famous just in case you’d forgotten about her many talents.

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 — Speaking of hotties, look at the one on the left in this picture:

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WTF you might ask?  It’s Johnny Travolta and I know it’s for his role as Edna Turnblad in Hairspray, but after you get photographed kissing a guy just a couple weeks ago people start to question everything you do.  People like me.  So this is what I think, I think he’s a flaming douche-bag and that Scientology is making him dress like a woman and kiss men to try to take some of the heat off of Tom Cruise.  Only time will tell whether my theory is correct.

 — And one last sports note.  I don’t know if anyone watched the Women’s US Open final on Saturday night — I flicked it on during the Ohio State – Texas massacre — and holy crap am I going to start watching more women’s tennis.  Yes, I already knew that Maria Sharapova was a stone-cold fox, but did anyone catch her at the US Open?  She has to be one of the hottest women in sports and she actually has some talent, enough talent to win 2 Grand Slams. 

 _42069720_sharapovagetty_body.jpg     ms1.jpg     ms3.jpg

HC

Weekend Wrap – Britney + JailFed, Paris, Scarlett, LL and more September 8, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Britney Spears, Elizabeth Hurley, Entertainment, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Scarlett Johansson.
2 comments

I decided that since the weekend was upon us and with the return of pro football, that I should post something today so that you guys had something to read over the weekend.  And, because in between sitting by the pool at the Holden Caulfield mansion drinking frozen Cuba Libres (Frozen Rum and Cokes for you novice drinkers out there), checking the scores of my fantasy football teams, and re-looking at the pictures of Lindsay with no underpants, I might not have time to post for a couple days.  Anyway, I digress. 

Here are some stories from the past week that I just couldn’t let slip by:

 — Britney supposedly had her daughter yesterday during a scheduled C-section.  There were 2 conflicting reports.  One from ContactMusic reported that she was going to give birth to her daughter Jailynn (more on that later) yesterday at the UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica, but the NY Daily Newsis reporting that she was planning to give birth next week on September 14th, coincidentally the same day her other spawn of K-Fed was born, Sean Preston.  So when is Britney going to have her daughter?  Who the hell cares?  More importantly, when is she going to stop popping out kids like a Pez dispenser and get hot again?  I long for the days of Britney in her red latex suit with a hint of cameltoe.  And what the hell is up with the name Jailynn?  I understand that it is supposed to be a combination of her parents’ names (Jamie & Lynn), so how in the hell did she get JAILynn?  I’m confused, is she making the Jail-Fed joke for us now?  I know she made fun of herself on the VMA’s 2 weeks ago, but making your kid’s name a joke?  That’s pretty rough….or brilliant.  Maybe she’s some kind of super-genius sent from the future to trick us all into being white trash and walking barefoot into gas station bathrooms. 

Old Britney (with cameltoe) & Fugly Britney:

 britney.jpg     3awwser.jpg

— The recent weeks haven’t been too kind to that trashy ho Paris Hilton.  First her debut album (using the term “album” extremely loosely) had sales of only 75,000 copies and barely cracked the Billboard Top 100.  Not that this surprised anyone seeing as I’d pay money to see monkeys playing banjos before I’d pay a nickel to that talentless tart.  To make matters worse (and by “worse” I mean hilarious), about 500 copies of her album were tampered with in the UK by an artist named Banksy and replaced with copies that had remixes with titles like: Why am I Famous?, What Have I Done? and What Am I For?.  The kicker was that they replaced the CD sleeve with pictures of her topless.  Now we’ve all seen her topless, but this was a simply fantastic prank on all levels.  The problem is though, with so few copies being bought, the odds are slim that one of those 500 golden CD tickets would actually be found.  But some were, and here are the pictures (I’ll let you guess which is the real one, and by the way, the one with the dog head is terrific):

paris-hilton-cover.jpg     banksy-hilton-01.jpg     banksy-hilton-02.jpg     banksy-hilton-03.jpg     banksy-hilton-04.jpg     banksy-hilton-05.jpg     banksy-hilton-06.jpg     banksy-hilton-07.jpg

And to cap off her stellar week, pictures came out of Paris in handcuffs yesterday.  And no, it wasn’t from some kinky photo-shoot she did to make enough money for blow for the weekend.  She was pulled over for DUI while making a midnight run to In-N-Out Burger.  Now I am quite a fan of In-N-Out Burger myself, but I think if I “hadn’t eaten all day and had a margarita that afternoon” as Paris told Ryan Seacrest yesterday, I probably couldn’t blow .08 for the police.  And isn’t her blowing .08 the joke within itself?  It wouldn’t work nearly as well if it was anyone but Paris.  Here are some of her kinky pics:

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 — A quick story on Lindsay Lohan because honestly, I’m sick of talking about her.  Unless she’s going to go completely nude in a movie or Playboy, I’m not interested.  I mean, over the last couple of weeks, she’s had a nip slip, a side boob poking out of a potato sack and most recently she went commando in Venice.  So unless she puts it all together for a spread in Hustler, don’t call me.  Oh, who am I kidding, I love that little giraffe woman.  In the latest Lindsay “news”, she was apparently robbed at Heathrow Airport by a 20 year old woman who stole her Hermes bag with approximately $1 million dollars worth of jewelry and her medication.  I’m going to ignore the point that she owns $1 million dollars worth of jewelry seeing as her net worth is only around $7 million and simply question what “medication” she had that is so valuable?  As quoted by her rep and TMZ:

Lindsay’s rep, Leslie Sloane, confirms to TMZ the theft occurred and that Lindsay is extremely upset about the loss of personal belongings. “She is begging for the return of the items,” Sloane says. “She doesn’t care how she gets them back, she just wants her stuff back.”

The Hermès Birkin bag that was stolen also contained Lindsay’s much needed asthma medication.

Much needed asthma medication?  Lets be honest, I understand people can have serious asthma and it can be life threatening if not taken care of, but can’t you by that crap at any drugstore?  She’s F-ing Lindsay Lohan!  Couldn’t she have a whole case sent to her hotel at any time?   There are some things I just don’t understand.

 — Most of you out there know that any chance I get to talk about Scarlett Johansson and her fantastic chest, I will.  So here’s to not letting you down.  This past week, Scarlett had a few too many “champagne cocktails”, was a little tipsy, and broke into her neighbor’s apartment by mistake.  She explains (Starpulse):

“I was coming home, it was very late, mind you, it was like four in the morning. Maybe I’d had like one too many champagne cocktails, or whatever… But I got home, of course I wasn’t driving, and I opened my door and it wasn’t my kitchen! It was somebody else’s kitchen and I left and I realized my key opens up somebody else’s door in my building. It like slides right in and opens it up!

“I slammed the door shut as quickly as I could and I ran to the stairs because I didn’t want them to think, ‘Who the hell was that?’ It was a disaster! Then I thought maybe I should go back and see if they had a can of Coke or something… I just got back from Venice (from the Venice Film Festival), so I don’t have any groceries!”

What?!?!?  I’ve been kneeling next to my bed for the past year praying that this would happen to me and for nothing?  Scarlett Johansson drunk at 4AM in your apartment?  That’s like finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow and actually getting to meet a leprechaun too.  That’s like the holy grail of medicine, the Front Butt.  I don’t know what to think anymore.  Well, here are some pics of her breasticles from her recent Tonight Show appearance:

 scarlett-johansson-tonight-show-01.jpg     scarlett-johansson-tonight-show-03.jpg     scarlett-johansson-tonight-show-04.jpg     scarlett-johansson-tonight-show-07.jpg     scarlett-johansson-tonight-show-09.jpg

 — And one last thing.  These pictures of Elizabeth Hurley are just amazing.  She is 41 years old and has a 4 year old son and is still that hot???  How is that genetically possible?  She’s definitely in the Diane Lane and Heather Locklear category for hottest celebrity MILFs around.  Grrr….

 elizabeth_berkley_elle_5_big.jpg     elizabeth_berkley_elle_big.jpg     elizabeth_berkley_elle_7_big.jpg     elizabeth_berkley_elle_2_big.jpg

Have a great weekend kids.

HC

Lindsay’s bald eagle, Suri Cruise is real…kind of, and much more! September 6, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Christina Aguilera, Entertainment, Lindsay Lohan, Suri Cruise.
3 comments

I know I’ve been slacking off the last couple of weeks, and I know no one wants to hear my excuses.  Well, I’m back now, so let’s get it started.

 — Lindsay Lohan has been quite busy over the past couple of weeks.  Besides wearing multiple NEW bikinis, she’s most recently been in Venice promoting her new movie Bobby.  As she’s been skipping around the Italian countryside of Venice, she’s done quite a few interesting things.  Here they are in no particular order. 

First off, at the premiere of Bobby last night, she showed up with her boyfriend, the Pink Taco himself, Harry Morton.  More importantly, she showed up with a giant marble on her finger.  Is she engaged?  Who really cares?  What I want to know is how you afford to buy something like that?  I guess being the heir to the famous Pink Taco franchise (currently 2 restaurants in Vegas and Scottsdale) / and having a dad own the Hard Rock franchise makes that much money.  Possible.  I think he makes his mad cash by running an illegal howler-monkey fighting ring under the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas.  That’s just a guess, but I have a gut feeling on this one.

Here are some pictures of the giant bauble and some other jewelry that are so gaudy, they look fake:

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So after her fancy night at the premiere, I guess she and Harry decided to go on a boat ride somewhere around Venice.  This seems logical I mean Venice has canals throughout the entire city.  The unusual part of the trip is that Lindsay brought her beaver with her and that doesn’t necessarily seem like a good idea.  Generally, beavers are indigenous to the Northwestern United States and enjoy building dams and eating wood.  At least thats what I learned from Looney Toons, which I take as a factual depiction of their lives.  Anyway, the boat ride makes perfect sense, but the beaver seems completely out of place.

What do you think? (Pictures by WWTTD)

****UPDATE ***** – Looks like these are fake, here’s the real one.

*****UPDATED AGAIN***** Well, it looks like as we first reported, the pictures are real.  The photographer has come forward and told the real story.  Looks like LL has some people pretty high up the food chain on her panty patrol.

llbeav1.jpg     llbeav2.jpg     514-ll39.jpg     517-ll34.jpg

But seriously, does this really surprise you?  We all knew she had a beaver and would eventually take it with her and let the world see it.  There’s no secret there.

 — In other interesting news, it turns out that Suri Cruise isn’t an alien like had been previously reported on other ridiculous blogs.  She is a real child as the pictures in the newest issue of Vanity Fair prove.  Actually they don’t prove a damn thing.  That could still be a fake kid.  It’s not like she’s moving in the picture or anything.  And who’s to say it’s their kid at all.  I guess I’m really just struggling with the fact that she looks so normal and I don’t see any devil horns or anything.  Maybe she has a tail!  That’s it, she definitely has a tail.

Here are the pictures from Vanity Fair:

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 — Next up, Christina Aguilera and her giant jugs.  I just can’t say enough about those things.  I know I talked about them a couple weeks ago, but they just boggle my mind.  She’s what, 5′-2″ tall, 100 lbs, wearing a size 0 dress with solid Double D’s?  But are they both Double D’s?  In those first pictures it looks like it could be a D and an E for god’s sake.  Is that possible?  I’m no physics professor but I say no.  Yet picture after picture says yes.  Oh well, I’ll just keep staring in amazement. 

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 — And lastly, I’m sure everyone’s heard this story already but Monday morning while filming a documentary on stingrays, the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin was killed.  A pioneer in being a crazy bastard with wild animals, Irwin died after being stabbed in the heart by one of the rays.  He then pulled the barb out and immediately passed out.  The only reason I bring this up is that because of all the ridiculous shit he’s pulled over the years, who would have guessed he would have gone this way?  Eaten by a crocodile?  Check.  Bitten by a Green Mamba?  Check.  Bitten by a Great White?  Check.  Speared by a Stingray?  Huh?  Oh well, I just think that if he had to be speared by anything, it should have been something amazing, like a unicorn or a triceratops but that’s just me.

HC

Lindsay makes more cash and K-Fed still sucks August 25, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Britney Spears, Entertainment, Lindsay Lohan, Sports.
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 — File this away under “How does this bitch keep making money with no discernable talents, giant jumblies, and a firecrotch?”  Well maybe it has something to do with the jumblies.  Anyway, Lindsay Lohan is selling her West Hollywood condo for $2.85 million after buying it for $1.9 million just last year.  And here’s the real kicker, she never moved in!  Who blows that kind of money on a house and never moves in?  The type of girl that would blow MacGuyver if that got her into a club faster — that’s who.  The reason she never moved in is because she’s been living at the posh Chateau Marmont hotel for the past 9 months.  I’m sure her activities included sitting on the beach and throwing DVD release parties for Herbie 4 – Herbie is a Tin Can from Mexico.  By my rough calculations, which are very rough because I get confused by the 99 bottles of beer song, I bet she has spent close to $150,000 on her hotel and looks to make close to a million bucks on her unused condo.  If she makes that kind of cash for doing pretty much nothing, why is she always wearing that potato sack?  Anyway, as far as the house goes at least all prospective buyers will know that if the house is anything like the girl, the carpet will match the drapes.

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 — Poor K-Fed.  Not only is he getting eaten out of house and home by his Chunky Monkey for a wife, but his career is going nowhere too.  What’s new about that you might ask?  Well, after having to produce his own album because he was told the Wiggles had more talent, he some how landed a gig at last week’s Teen Choice awards.  In true K-Fed fashion he felt the need to prove his lack of talent to the world and sing his new single, “Lose Control”.  Now I know you thought Paris Hilton was a talentless whore, and I’m not disagreeing, but at least she is easy on the eyes.  K-Fed is just a douche bag who hit the lottery by marrying a Louisiana hick who might just be stupider than he is.  At the show, his song predictably bombed and to top it off, no one even wanted to come to his after party.  A source said:

“After everyone saw Kevin’s performance, no one wanted to be stuck having to pretend it was good.”

My guess as to why no one showed up?  Not because of K-Fed’s lack of talent but because they were worried they would get injured in the melee of Britney charging the buffet table.

 — I don’t know how many of you out there read the Sports Guy at ESPN, but his latest article is one of his funniest.  Just a couple tidbits:

Q: Was I the only one expecting Josh Blue to pull off the Keyser Soze “straightening walk” after he won “Last Comic Standing,” as a stunned Anthony Clark drops his coffee?
–Frank B., Bethlehem, Pa.

SG: The only one who’s headed to hell? Or the only one, period?

Q: What do you think your daughter’s nickname is going to be on the 2023 edition of “Flavor of Love?”
–Matt D., New York

SG: Orphan

Utterly Fantastic. 
HC

So it’s been a week right?….. August 16, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Entertainment, Lindsay Lohan.
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I know I said I wouldn’t talk about those skanky-ass fools, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, but I think it’s been a week and I just can’t help myself with pics like these.  Apparently she’s off her bikini-a-week kick and into wearing burlap sacks now.  Seriously.  No, I’m not kidding.  What was she thinking when she walked into her closet?  Should I wear my pink bikini or blue bikini?  No, I’ll just mix it up a little and wear the burlap bag that my coffee beans came in?!?!  When I want to mix it up, I might wear shorts, not go to an extreme like wearing a gorilla suit.  Maybe she was so distracted by her bitchin’ case of VD or by the conch shell stuck in her ass from her crazy beach romp the night before, that she just decided to wear the bag her potatoes came in.  Whatever her problem was, we’ll never know.  But what I do know is that along with her sack outfit came a classy side boob shot.  Well, maybe classy for the red-light district, but nonetheless I enjoyed it.

lindsay-lohan-side-boob-04.jpg     lindsay-lohan-side-boob-02.jpg     lindsay-lohan-side-boob-01.jpg

HC

Lindsay fired for being a hoe-bag August 1, 2006

Posted by holdencaulfield in Cameron Diaz, Entertainment, Lindsay Lohan.
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Not exactly, but she was fired from her UK record contract with Island Records for many reasons, but mainly just sucking immensely.  Apparently she failed to travel to the land of tea, crumpets and bad teeth for a planned promotional tour for the album that was recorded last year. 

According to The Sun, “The single was a huge flop over here because Lindsay couldn’t be bothered to promote it.  In the end they didn’t even bother releasing the album in Britain.  She didn’t bother to come over to the UK to do interviews or make TV appearances to help sell the album.  Island have now decided not to do another one with her.”

An actress’s CD was a flop?  I’m so surprised.  Jennifer Love Hewitt’s CDs have done so well, that I assumed Lindsay’s would be double platinum the first week out.  A couple things get me about this story.  First of all, who the hell gives her a record deal and lets her record not one, but 2 albums, but I guess Paris Hilton has an album so it’s not like record execs are that discriminating.  But seriously were they so impressed by her driving of Herbie that they thought she could sing?  Or maybe they were impressed by her collection of 546 bikinis that she has paraded out this summer.  Whatever, monkeys playing banjos could make a more melodic CD than the red-headed giraffe.  And secondly, why would anyone trust this girl with an ounce of responsibility?  I mean you do have to be pretty responsible to make sure all your beer is iced down and that there is enough blow for everyone at your party, but fly overseas to promote your own album?  That’s pretty tricky stuff and not everyone can handle that kind of pressure.

And I’m soooooo tired of putting up pictures of LL and her bikinis, so here are some pics of Cameron Diaz and her ba-donk-a-donk.

cameron-diaz-bikini-6.jpg     cameron-diaz-bikini-2.jpg     cameron-diaz-bikini-4.jpg     cameron-diaz-bikini-5.jpg

HC